Friday, February 15, 2013

Brooding cards

I've been proned to depression and other difficulties with my mental health most of my life. I often try to analyse too much and as often it never leads anywhere, since e.g. feelings are not terribly easy to explain with logic. To my irritation I've noticed that lately my state has been slowly falling down towards depression again. Luckily at least, nowadays I can recognise the symptoms and do something about them before it is too late.

One thing which I hate is that there are certain thoughts that haunt me over and over again. It does not matter how many years I would have tried to resolve them, they always return and never seem to change much. When I get the mood, I can just contemplate for hours without any other result than getting me more and more angry at myself. (As often, it is typical for people like me to be extremely harsh on themselves.)

To prevent the excessive torture of the thought that lead you nowhere I handicrafted brooding cards for myself. The text states: "Brooding card. This card gives you the right to brood over any preferred area for 20 consecutive minutes. Use max. 1 time per day." There are three cards, so all in all I am perfectly allowed to ruminate my things for one hour each day. (It might sound a lot, but believe me, it is very short period of time indeed in the life of mentally disturbed.) I will not allow myself to exceed that quota, though. If I'm not able to find the answer in that time, either there is none or I'm not ready to face it yet. Whatever the case, it's not useful to waste the time for pointless mulling. I much rather read a book anyway, and my always exaggerating conscious has no proper way to force me feel guilty anymore. :)


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